
My Geek jokes (or jokes you cannot tell at home):

My software never has bug, it just develops random features

Eschew Obfuscation

Keep Calm and Reboot

I haven't lost my mind, I have it backed up somewhere

Anyone who thinks the Customer is always right, has never worked Tech Support!

Mac Users swear by their Mac, PC Users swear at their PC

An Apple a day keeps Windows away

Logic: log-ic (loj'ik) n 1. The art of being wrong with confidence.

According to Chemistry: Alcohol is a Solution

Statistics means never having to say your certain

My T-Shirt: =~ /bb|[^b]{2}/  (To be or not to be)

Bow to me for I am root.

If you speek COBOL you are a Geezer Geek

['hip','hip']  <- hip, hip array

Comment my code, why do you think it's called code?

How many programmers does it take to change a lightblub?
	it cannot be done, it is a hardware problem!

There are 10 types of people in the world:
	Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0

There is a Band named 1023MB, they haven't had a gig yet

Do you know why Developers get
	Halloween and Christmas confused?

	Dec(25) == Oct(31)


The Developers wife tells him: "Run to the store and
	pick up a load of bread. If they have eggs,
	get a dozen".
The Developer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.


A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables
	and asks, "Can I join you?"


I have a UDP joke, but you might not get it.


C++
in C:
	x = 21
	y = x++ // after this line x is 22,
	                 but y is 21
	    x++ <- use x then add to it.
	    ++x <- add to x then use it

C++ <- use the C language then add Objects

should have been named: ++C



Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
	A: Inheritance


Real Programmers use vi


May the Source be with you.

I am certifiable

I know a lady who wanted to combine Unix and her love of the beach... yeah, she sells C shells by the seashore

Woah... I did a 'zcat /vmlinuz > /dev/audio; and I think I heard God.

Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug....

Ask not for whom the <CONTROL-G> tolls.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla...

The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the flexibility and power of assembly language with the readability of assembly language

I'd like to change the world, but God won't give me the source code

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning


I am root, if you see me laughing, you better have a backup.

bash <- Bourne Again Shell

<sarcasm />

They told me my password needed to be eight characters,
so I entered "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."

Psuedo Object-Orient Programming

My coffee mug says:
49 20 63 6f 6d 70 75 74 65 20 74 68 65 72 65 66 6f 72 20 49 42 4d 2e
(I compute therefor IBM.)



My disaster recover plan:
	Keep my resume updated,
	and store it off site.

If you find me on Life Support, unplug me,
and plug me back in.  See if that works

Binary as easy as: 01 10 11 ...

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

One does not simply telnet in Mordor

The wonderful thing about Standards,
there are so many to choose from.


A Developer is standing on a street corner smoking a cigarette.
His friend stops by and says "Those are bad for you.  Didn't
you read the warnings on the package?"

The Developer says "I am a Developer,
we do not care about warnings, we only care about errors."


I called the janitor the other day to see what he could do about my dingy linoleum floor. He said he would have been happy to loan me a polisher, but that he hadnt the slightest idea what he had done with it. I told him not to worry about it  that as a programmer it wasnt the first time I had experienced a buffer allocation failure due to a memory error.



Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF...

To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.

There is no place like 127.0.0.1
Bow to me for I am root
=~ /bb|[^b]{2]/   (Too Be or Not Too Be)
C++
bash
Dec(25)==Oct(31)
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't
SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0
<sarcasm />
Comment my code, why do you think it's called code?
There is a Band named 1023MB, they haven't had a gig yet
The Developers wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a load of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen".  The Developer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy? A: Inheritance
["hip","hip"] (hip hip array!)
I like telling UDP jokes because I don't care if you don't get them
I have a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
I am certifidable
If you speak COBOL you are a Geezer Geek
They told me my password needed to be eight characters, so I entered "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."

Psuedo Object-Orient Programming

My coffee mug says:
I compute therefor IBM.
49 20 63 6f 6d 70 75 74 65 20 74 68 65 72 65 66 6f 72 20 49 42 4d 2e

byte walks into a bart, looking down, the bar tender ask are you all right, the byte says I have a parity error, the bar tender says yes you look off a bit.


Disaster recover plan: keep my resume updated, and store it off site.
My disaster recover plan:
	Keep my resume updated,
	and store it off site.

If you find me on Life Support, unplug me, and plug me back in.  See if that works

Fortran int i,j,k

Binary as easy as: 01 10 11 ...

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

One does not simply telnet in Mordor

01000111
01000101
10000101
01001011
Pride   (spells GEEK)


March 14, 2015 @ 9:26:53 am  <-
Pi Day


add quotes from Denis Riche for debugging is harder than developing
and good cheap fast
and good user communications dobles producivity
and linux about real programmers don't back up their code


I am not not your F1 button

I am not Anti-Social, I'm just not User Freindly

Life's too short to remove the USB safely

You are the CSS to my HTML

My software never has bug, it just develops random features

Home is where Google is.

Caps Lock; Preventing Login since 1980

