My Geek jokes (or jokes you cannot tell at home):

Eschew Obfuscation

Keep Calm and Reboot

I haven't lost my mind, I have it backed up somewhere

Anyone who thinks the Customer is always right, has never worked Tech Support!

Mac Users swear by their Mac, PC Users swear at their PC

An Apple a day keeps Windows away

Logic: log-ic (loj'ik) n 1. The art of being wrong with confidence.

According to Chemistry: Alcohol is a Solution

Statistics means never having to say your certain

My T-Shirt: =~ /bb|[^b]{2}/  (To be or not to be)

Bow to me for I am root.

If you speek COBOL you are a Geezer Geek

['hip','hip']  <- hip, hip array

Comment my code, why do you think it's called code?

How many programmers does it take to change a lightblub?
	it cannot be done, it is a hardware problem!
	
There are 10 types of people in the world: 
	Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
	
SELECT * FROM users WHERE clue > 0

There is a Band named 1023MB, they haven't had a gig yet

Do you know why Developers get 
	Halloween and Christmas confused?
	
	Dec(25) == Oct(31)
	
	
The Developers wife tells him: "Run to the store and 
	pick up a load of bread. If they have eggs, 
	get a dozen".  
The Developer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.	


A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables 
	and asks, "Can I join you?"


I have a UDP joke, but you might not get it.


C++ 
in C:
	x = 21
	y = x++ // after this line x is 22,
	                 but y is 21
	    x++ <- use x then add to it.
	    ++x <- add to x then use it
	    
C++ <- use the C language then add Object, after
		your are done, use it.
		
should have been named: ++C 



Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy? 
	A: Inheritance


Real Programmers use vi


May the Source be with you.

I am certifiable

I know a lady who wanted to combine Unix and her love of the beach... yeah, she sells C shells by the seashore

Woah... I did a 'zcat /vmlinuz > /dev/audio; and I think I heard God.

Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.... 

Ask not for whom the <CONTROL-G> tolls.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla...

The C Programming Language -- A language which combines the flexibility and power of assembly language with the readability of assembly language

I'd like to change the world, but God won't give me the source code 

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning


I am root, if you see me laughing, you better have a backup.

bash <- Bourne Again Shell

<sarcasm />

They told me my password needed to be eight characters, 
so I entered "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."

Psuedo Object-Orient Programming

My coffee mug says:
49 20 63 6f 6d 70 75 74 65 20 74 68 65 72 65 66 6f 72 20 49 42 4d 2e
(I compute therefor IBM.)



My disaster recover plan: 
	Keep my resume updated, 
	and store it off site.
	
If you find me on Life Support, unplug me, 
and plug me back in.  See if that works

Binary as easy as: 01 10 11 ...

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

One does not simply telnet in Mordor

The wonderful thing about Standards,
there are so many to choose from.


A Developer is standing on a street corner smoking a cigarette.
His friend stops by and says "Those are bad for you.  Didn't
you read the warnings on the package?"

The Developer says "I am a Developer,
we do not care about warnings, we only care about errors."